ein plan (auf deutsch) für die wohnung in portland
something for the rag and bone man
Anxious about the move, of course; but not in the pathological sense, and this is no small blessing. ¡Yo amo mi Lexapro!
I came back to Tucson a year ago because I had a dream about the place; and for the first few months the city remained in accordance with the dream. The smell of dust, the birdcalls, the way the wrinkles in the mountains catch the light in the afternoon—I had carried these things within me, in a buried stratum of childhood. And then, of course, after a few months they became familiar and were forgotten; and in their absence I began to remember my awful fifteenth and sixteenth and seventeenth years. I remebered that, for the most part, I was never happy here.
Other than two family members and one friend, I am leaving behind almost nothing. No job, no university, no attachment to any institution. No community of any sort. Since returning from Reno I've been holed up recording, reading, starting to pack; and only now is Tucson regaining a bit of that dream aura that it had when I arrived. I think I understand why; in my dream of Tucson there were never any people. It was all about dust and sun and sky. If I could live by land alone, I would stay; but it turns out I'm not ready to become a hermit.
