swich licour
Never mind, I forgot the part where I go insane if I don't post. I am getting a distinct and unpleasant sense of writing in a vacuum, for no one—this thing I do all day seems to have absolutely no bearing on the external world. The fact that money shows up in my mailbox every month does not seem at all connected to the writing. I just feel like I stumbled upon a sunken galleon or something, and am now squandering the treasure with no thought of consequences. One agent has expressed interest in seeing the finished manuscript, but who knows what that means. It's pretty incredible that after all this time I still have so little confidence in the basic value of the act. It feels Sisyphean right now, and I know the prose is slipping—I read sentences back to myself, and it's comical how clunky they are. In efforts to escape the blockage I have tried to write in other locales, with limited success:
Can I write it in a bar?
Can I write it in my car?
Can I write it in the park?
Can I write it in the dark?
Can I write in a café?
I hate this fucking book, I say!
It may not be finished by Halloween. When I think about it my heart rate elevates and my throat closes up. At times I suspect that I've taken completely the wrong direction and the only thing I'm any good at is farce. Certainly those are the only things I've done that anyone outside a graduate writing program seems to enjoy: the satirical play about the psychiatrist and the Grim Reaper, the pirate penguin movie, the song about pedophiles that I wrote when I was eighteen and which all of Tucson seems to have started singing in my absence. I've been having psychosomatic West Nile virus all week.
Also note: one cannot meet people in this city. I have all kinds of relationships with fascinating women, and without exception they are conducted via mail and occasionally the telephone. I swear to God, it's like being in the Army.
Anyway, because it all hurts and because I needed the satisfaction of something that could be finished in an evening and because the car has a working tape deck for the first time in aeons, I made a bunch of drive tapes. I'm quite happy with them—I can't hope to out-eclectic the college DJs out there, but the sequencing was done with care and vim. If anyone else is still ghetto enough to use tape decks on a regular basis, I'm all about trading copies for anything inexpensive and exciting that can be sent through the mail.
Vertu Engedred is the Flour: One
A:
Brahms—Symphony No. 4 in E minor (South German Philharmonic Orchestra)
Schubert—Auf dem Flusse (Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau, Gerald Moore)
B:
Beethoven—String Quartet No. 15 in A minor (Vermeer Quartet)
Vertu Engedred is the Flour: Two
A:
Wilco—Far, Far Away
The Hives—Introduce the Metric System in Time
Luna—1995
Galaxie 500—Spook
Talking Heads—Stay Up Late
Johnny Cash—Cocaine Blues
Throwing Muses—Buzz
Pixies—Gouge Away
The White Stripes—Let's Build a Home
Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington—I'm Just a Lucky So-and-So
Belle and Sebastian—Is It Wicked Not to Care?
Cat Power—Naked if I Want To
Nick Drake—Day Is Done
Elvis Costello—The Beat
Billie Holiday—I'm a Fool to Want You
Modest Mouse—Wild Packs of Family Dogs
B:
Mission of Burma—That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate
The Clash—Spanish Bombs
Charles Mingus—Oh Lord Don't Let Them Drop That Atomic Bomb on Me
Wilco—Outta Mind (Outta Sight)
The Magnetic Fields—Strange Powers
The Flaming Lips—Psychiatric Explorations of the Fetus with Needles
The Modern Lovers—Government Center
Neutral Milk Hotel—Gardenhead
Björk—Heirloom
Cowboy Junkies—Working on a Building
Frank Black—Calistan
Radiohead—Life in a Glasshouse
Belly—Stay
Vertu Engedred is the Flour: Three
A:
Charles Mingus—II B.S.
Louis Armstrong and His All-Stars—Dardanella
Miles Davis—The Meaning of the Blues/Lament
Roland Kirk—Silverlization
Charles Mingus—Boogie Stomp Shuffle
Charles Mingus—Celia
Charles Mingus—Hora Decubitus
Dave Brubeck—Strange Meadow Lark
Arnold Schoenberg—Columbine (Jan DeGaetani)
Arnold Schoenberg—Sprich nicht immer (Jan DeGaetani)
B:
icu—Can't You Even Remember That?
Radiohead—Like Spinning Plates
Tortoise—Glass Museum
Can—I'm So Green
Charles Mingus—Hog Callin' Blues
Johnny Cash—I Still Miss Someone
Beck—Modesto
Guided by Voices—Little Lines
The Smiths—Sweet and Tender Hooligan
The Hives—Knock Knock
Modest Mouse—Perfect Disguise
Arvo Pärt—Silouans Song (Tallinn Chamber Orchestra, Tõnu Kaljuste)
Vertu Engedred is the Flour: Four
A:
Shostakovich—Symphony No. 14 (Magdalena Hajossyová, Peter Mikulás, Czecho-Slovak Radio Symphony Orchestra, Ladislav Slovák):
De profundis
Malagueña
Loreley
The Suicide
On the Alert
Look Here, Madame!
At the Santé Jail
Zaporozhye Cossacks Reply to the Sultan of Constantinople
O Delvig, Delvig!
B:
Shostakovich—Symphony No. 14:
The Poet's Death
Conclusion
Miles Davis—In a Silent Way/It's About That Time
Olivia Tremor Control—The Opera House
Nick Drake—Way to Blue
Modest Mouse—Convenient Parking
Francisco Tarrega—Capricho Árabe (Ana Vidovic)
Schubert—Gefror'ne Tränen (Dietrich Fischer-Dieskau, Gerald Moore)
Louis Armstrong and Duke Ellington—I Got It Bad and That Ain't Good
Bartók—Senkim a világon (I Have No One in the World) (Benjamin Britten Vocal Ensemble, Miklós Szabó)
Vertu Engedred is the Flour: Five
A:
Sparklehorse—Piano Fire
Mission of Burma—The Ballad of Johnny Burma
Television—Venus
Talking Heads—Electric Guitar
Radiohead—Morning Bell
Radiohead—Pyramid Song
The Flaming Lips—Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots pt. 1
David Bowie—Drive-In Saturday
PJ Harvey—One Line
Frank Black—Pie in the Sky
Liz Phair—Mesmerizing
The Smiths—What She Said
Pixies—River Euphrates
Elvis Costello—Blame It On Cain
B:
Built to Spill—Sidewalk
Tom Waits—Lost in the Harbour
The Beach Boys—Here Today
Billie Holiday—You've Changed
Wilco—Ashes of American Flags
Low—July
The Smiths—Oscillate Wildly
Belle and Sebastian—Dirty Dream Number Two
Elvis Costello—Fish n' Chip Paper
The White Stripes—Apple Blossom
Luna—Swedish Fish
The Magnetic Fields—Yeah! Oh, Yeah!
Pavement—Starlings of the Slipstream
Sparklehorse—It's a Wonderful Life
